Gamers have a bad reputation when it comes to dating, whether deservedly so or not. And, of course, we are all different people, gamers included, so we can’t really equate a whole group of people solely based on their preferred hobby. PC gamers, console gamers, mobile gamers, guy and gal gamers – we are all different.
Still, with much of gaming being relatively time-intensive, it’s understandable why people are a bit weary when it comes to dating gamers. So, let’s explore exactly how difficult it is to date a gamer and our top 6 tips for a smooth relationship with a gamer.
How to Make a Relationship With a Gamer as Smooth as Possible?
Most people are worried about dating a gamer because “he won’t have enough time for me” or “I’ll have to battle with a console for his interest.” And, yes, we’ll mostly be going with “him” as the gender, even though approximately 45% of gamers out there are women.
The reason we’ll mostly be referring to gamers as “him” is simple and two-fold: 1) according to those same statistics most female gamers tend to play on mobile, while most male gamers focus on consoles and PC games, and 2) most myths about gamers being “difficult partners” are about men.
However, whether you’re dating a male or female gamer, a straight or LGBTQ gamer, someone you met at school/uni or on a dating app, such as this one, the following tips should offer plenty of insight either way.
Don’t View His Hobby as “A Competition” for His Attention
Gaming takes time, and an avid gamer will happily invest time in gaming rather than in most other hobbies/pastimes. And it is only natural for a young relationship to want to spend as much time as you can with your significant other. However, it’s also good to remember that it’s perfectly normal for people to have their own hobbies and want some “me time.”
The fact that your partner has such a hobby doesn’t mean you have to compete with it. Instead, the healthy approach is to respect his hobby as his downtime activity and focus on your own time with him.
Get to Know Him
A gamer isn’t just “a gamer”; we’re all people. So, instead of hyper-focusing on his hobby and identifying him with it, a better approach is to focus on his other qualities. This way you won’t just have “a gamer partner” but just “a partner” instead. Besides, this makes it all the more likely that he will – even if just little by little – start seeing himself as and being more than “just a gamer.” This is especially key for younger people in new high school or university relationships.
Work Together to Establish a Time for Gaming and a Time for the Two of You
Scheduling out your partner’s time in a relationship doesn’t feel particularly “romantic” from a certain point of view. This is what many people fear when they think about “competing with a gamer’s hobby” in a relationship.
However, another way to look at it is that working together to establish a time for the two of you and a time for your individual hobbies is a mature and responsible approach. This is one thing most people in longer successful relationships can agree on – people need their “me time” and working together to make sure everything is comfortable with your time together is the mature and effective thing to do.
Watch Out for Gaming Addiction
One thing to watch out for is gaming addiction. If a gamer spends a lot of extra time on his hobby, this doesn’t necessarily indicate a problem. It may be that he simply does have a lot of free time, and this is a cool way to spend it.
However, there are actual signs of an addiction to watch out for:
- He has a need for gaming.
- He plays even when he doesn’t seem to be enjoying it (instead of just stopping and doing something else).
- He is sacrificing crucial work/study/family/relationship time for gaming.
- He is actively hurting himself by depriving himself of sleep or healthy food.
A gamer can be spending multiple hours a day playing on his console/computer without doing any of these and without being addicted to the hobby – simply playing a lot isn’t necessarily a red flag. However, if you see any of the above symptoms (or a combination of a few of them!), this is definitely something to watch out for.
Pressure Rarely Helps – Try a Positive Approach Instead
The go-to approach of a lot of people who find themselves in a relationship with a gamer is to try to pressure and guilt their partner into spending less time gaming. This is an understandable reaction, but it’s rarely effective.
Gamers do what they do because they derive joy from the hobby. If you ask (or force) your partner to deprive himself from something that brings him joy, this likely won’t help your relationship much in the long term. Instead, the more productive way to go about it is to let your partner get whatever joy he gets from his hobby and offer other pleasant alternatives. This way, your partner won’t resent you from depriving him of something nice and will instead be more enamored with you for bringing more joy into his life.
Try Playing with Him
The beauty of gaming, and so many men and women love this hobby, is that it’s incredibly diverse. Third-person role-playing, strategy, first-person shooters, farm simulator, cooperative survival, fun musical party games, and many other genres and styles exist.
So, even if you don’t think you’ll enjoy your partner’s favorite first-person shooter game, maybe you can try something you both might like. Or, perhaps you’ll like that FPS, too, if you try it. After all, do you want your partner to spend time with you doing your favorite things while not spending some time with him enjoying his hobby, too?
Gaming is a unique and time-consuming hobby, but its “bad” reputation is often overblown. Yes, gaming addiction is a thing, but the vast majority of gamers don’t have much problem healthily managing their hobby. Some time and patience may be necessary, but that’s always the case in a relationship, especially one that goes far. So, as long as you approach the situation and your partner’s hobby with the right mindset, there is no reason why things shouldn’t work out.
